Sunday, April 5, 2020

the days

It seems like another lifetime when I would walk outside and look at the flower gardens.  I am anticipating doing that so very much.  The whole world has gone askew.  It doesn't feel level and because of that even a short walk takes so much energy. My prayers have been so emotional and full lately.  It is my one true pray.  I can be in any room of the house, wearing any half pajama type outfit, doing any menial task and I feel overcome to pray.  I used to feel guilty to heartily pray in my hour of need, why didn't I pray that way when my life was chugging along just fine? I've tried to be better at that- hearty prayers of gratitude because truly I am grateful for so much, much more than I am distraught about.  That saying about how it's the simple things in life really resonates now.  I hope I don't take for granted the noise my daughter's car makes when she drives in the yard and I hear the side door bang shut and my little granddaughter squeal with excitement as she comes in the mudroom waiting for her gaggle of aunts and uncles to welcome her.  
We all have so much emotional weight to carry lately.  Everything about our routines has been affected.  It's hard to imagine life returning to how it was.  I hope we all come out of it more appreciative.  The lessons I learned growing up with my grandparents (who would be over 100 years old now) make so much more sense.  They did things because they made sense, to be efficient, to be wise, because of the appreciation they learned along the way.  It became inherent to not waste, but as time went on and generations replaced theirs we became entitled.  It became too easy to complain about nonsense. These are my feelings and I recognize not everyone feels this way. 
Change is hard.  Fear is even harder.  But in the end nothing feels impossible, we can climb this mountain.  Optimism has a pilot light that is willing to grow into a flame to light our way if we let it.