weeding thoughts

Today I stood facing our home and looked embarrassingly at the weeds that took over the front beds. 

It looked as someone overwhelmed with life lives here.

And that is true.

But I’m not ready to give in with being overwhelmed.

I don’t want to hide behind those massive clumps of grass that grow so firmly enmeshed in the roses.

In a drizzle bit of rain I started pulling weeds.  I did this until my hair was plastered to my head trying to swing about in sweaty clumps.  It turned into such a release of aggression for me, pulling those weeds.  I’m sure those driving by would say I looked like an angry weeder.

I’m not an angry person.  I can yell about dishes left out and a messy bathroom, but I don’t yell about my feelings.

I don’t yell when I get lonely, even though my house is always full of kids.

I don’t yell about looking at my baby and noticing he has Ken’s big toe.  Because I want to show him.

Everyday I do laundry, cook meals and nurse the baby.  Some days I do this with a smile and some days I do this while feeling like I can’t.  And lately those can’t days are too many.

Those comments you left on my last post are so dear and sweet to me.  They were so needed!  Thank you for that, from the bottom of my heart!

 

going more places with little bird

Everywhere I go my little bird comes, too.

For the most part he likes this and so do I.  I’m too embarrassed to tell you how many auctions and sales he has been to in his short 3 months.  His first was when he was 6 days old…it was a book and ephemera sale.  We didn’t buy anything that day but he was a big hit. 

Often I think about how he arrived so gently into our lives.  After a previous pregnancy ended with such drama, I still am in awe at that wonderful day 3 months ago.  I think it was one of the most beautiful days of my life. People remark at how it must be hard to have an infant with my husband away. Other than the obvious that he will miss these precious days of watching our child reach his first milestones, I am grateful to have a baby in the house.  He brings so much joy.

I’m not sure why I love having babies so much, they do turn into teenagers afterall.  But these early days? They are the most precious days.  Often when I go to pick Sawyer up from a nap I can’t believe I have a baby.  A baby!

Now go ahead and ask me how it is to care for all the other kids while Dad is away….

It’s so darn hard you’re lucky I’m not using swear words in this sentence!