Thursday, March 5, 2009

So it is

The time is fast approaching when I will watch the one most dear to me once again travel far away. I don't know which is more ridiculous--how many times we have been through this or how much more upset I get with each time. It's definitely not one of those been there done that experiences for me. I anticipate his leaving with panicky irrational emotions which drag this already endless amount of time into additional months of woe. Why must I do this?

He despises leaving his family but is rational and level headed. He is well trained and embodies the opportunity to make a difference. He is an airman and very proud to be...you see, this is where I am troubled: he is my airman. Each time he flies away from us he takes my heart right along with him.

Perhaps this is a grossly selfish post. In fact I loathe the way I feel. Anxiety has always been a part of my adult life. The anxious feeling of worrying about my husband will never end. Staying positive for the sake of our kids is exhausting. And yes I know of all the support the military has to offer, they do a good job of this. I guess it is just the years of moving and adjusting catching up. I am tired of it! It is less an adventure and more a struggle. Always a struggle. Please forgive me for this! It will get easier as time passes and summer vacation nears.

I will miss him.

6 comments:

The Dadman Diaries said...

He makes us proud. I love your openness and your honesty. It is not easy - and it is okay to say so. Big Hugs. You are amazingly strong and beautiful!

Jemm said...

You are so brave to open up like this. We live very near to Fort Riley, KS and I know MANY military wives. I'm always amazed at the sacrifices you and your family make for mine so SELFLESSLY. Thank you.

Leila said...

My daughter is marrying a man who, God willing, will be in the Marines as an officer as of another few weeks.

I see that it is already hard for her! I don't blame you for your anxiety!

God has seen us from all eternity...He knows it all...He knows that each hurdle we face is just the right one for us.

Can we rest in that knowledge? May He bless you all!

Dawn Gahan said...

Hugs, many of them.

Dawn

Liz said...

I think you are one brave lady.

Lavender Dreamer said...

I know you are proud of him...and I'm proud of YOU, too! I will keep him in my prayers and pray for your strength, too! I can't imagine how hard it must be!