So it is

The time is fast approaching when I will watch the one most dear to me once again travel far away. I don't know which is more ridiculous--how many times we have been through this or how much more upset I get with each time. It's definitely not one of those been there done that experiences for me. I anticipate his leaving with panicky irrational emotions which drag this already endless amount of time into additional months of woe. Why must I do this?

He despises leaving his family but is rational and level headed. He is well trained and embodies the opportunity to make a difference. He is an airman and very proud to be...you see, this is where I am troubled: he is my airman. Each time he flies away from us he takes my heart right along with him.

Perhaps this is a grossly selfish post. In fact I loathe the way I feel. Anxiety has always been a part of my adult life. The anxious feeling of worrying about my husband will never end. Staying positive for the sake of our kids is exhausting. And yes I know of all the support the military has to offer, they do a good job of this. I guess it is just the years of moving and adjusting catching up. I am tired of it! It is less an adventure and more a struggle. Always a struggle. Please forgive me for this! It will get easier as time passes and summer vacation nears.

I will miss him.