being grateful while being anxious

Is it possible to look forward to entertaining while kind of dreading it at the same time?

I love gearing up for a holiday, getting the house straightened up ( I like that, so shoot me) and everyone’s outfits pressed and starched.  I like using the pretty dishes and linens and decorating within reason.  I even like inviting people over to sit at our table and share a meal.  But the anxiety that comes with it just about does me in.  The only remedy that quenches my anxiety is being grateful.  It’s very easy to turn inward and hesitantly I admit I often do.

But the truth is I am very grateful…for the big stuff, like my family and having a table and food to share.  And for the little stuff like seeing my kids interact and having the ability to appreciate that, cause trust me there are days when I am so doggone tired I don’t see the warmth and love in my everyday life. 

But it is there each and every day, even the off ones and I am so very grateful for that.

Pushing anxiety aside always seems like work.  I struggle with it.  It’s kind of like being an outgoing person stuck in a shy person’s body.  Oh and having really good jokes to say about the dinner guests and having to keep them all in.

I hope this week you find yourselves surrounded by good company and food.  And that all that stuff about politics and weather and holiday shopping is replaced with gratitude for the simple things like a good book and your grandmother’s crocheted blanket.

We have an exterior room off our house that has a very high balcony.  Henry and I were cleaning the room today and I let him pee off the balcony.  He was so thrilled by this and must have said “THANKS, MOM” five or six times.

I think that is gratitude at its best.